Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
jump out the window naked night went bad
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
