I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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