you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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