I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
