brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
