wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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