porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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