Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
