Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize