Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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