She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize