So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
