dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
