She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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