Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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