i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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