Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
