You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just threw up on my dentist
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
