she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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