I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
