I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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