I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In other news, I just burned my penis
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
