I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize