Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize