I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
