I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
