It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
