Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
