I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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