There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Banned from zoo.
Again?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
