Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize