the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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