i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
