I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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