dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
