That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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