Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
