Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
