I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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