i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
