I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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