he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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