Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
