I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
