I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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