and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
