did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
