my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
