they need to just BURY HIM!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
