Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Shame - the story of my life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
