GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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