the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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