The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
