you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
