i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize