Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
