He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
