If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
