he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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