Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
