I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
