someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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