Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
