i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
