My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize