It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize