Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
